See, I'm one of those "guilty" people. I can feel guilty about anything. Yes, anything. I feel guilty if I don't check in on people and make sure they get their "likes." Because everyone wants to be noticed sometimes. But it's kind of exhausting skimming through all the political junk of the day just to show support. So I guess I'm going to try it this way. I'll add my own life in here, ask for those who read to share theirs, and maybe pass on some uplifting or interesting tidbits. It won't be riveting and it won't be a big hit. But it will be honest.
It's been about seven years since I've blogged on here. A lot, yet not a lot, has happened since then. Michael and I have two beautiful boys, whom you know, who are actually 9 and nearly 7. We also have a new little blessing on the way: Lorelei. She was originally due on Caleb's birthday, but has since been moved up to November 18.
Michael is still working at Pilot. He's moving up the ladder and is doing well for himself. I think he mostly enjoys what he does and, thankfully, doesn't have to put in the crazy hours he used to in the beginning. He does still have to work some from home, but I'll take that any day to what he used to do. He has recently started riding trails as a new hobby and still plays video games. He and I occasionally play board or card games when I'm not feeling exhausted.
My life has changed fairly regularly over the years: Soon after Caleb was born I started working a night job at a gym. That lasted about two years, but sleep was an issue and my immune system wore itself out and I finally had to quit. Then I stayed home for a bit with the boys. A new job opportunity fell in my lap working in the social work field again. I stayed there a little over a year, but it put a strain on the family. I had to have Caleb in daycare part-time and it was terribly disorganized and red flags started popping up all over; so I quit that, too. That's when we began our homeschooling journey. We did that for a year and a half until we ran out of options for the boys to make friends - nothing was working, so we tried public school. Seth loved it and Caleb did not. So Seth has returned for a second year and Caleb has come back to homeschooling. Both boys are doing well; I'm blessed that they are quick and eager learners. I was able to teach preschool for a year and a half and it was a great learning experience. I was terrified of that much responsibility for so many little hearts, but it went fairly smoothly.
During this time, we attended a great church. We had a great group and then had the privilege of serving in the nursery for several years. I have to say I really loved working with the kids. There is something so amazing about little ones - there is no judgment, no hidden agendas, no expectations - they just love you for you. It was a great time. I found a niche in the children's department and I'm glad it was something I was able to experience. However, all things must come to an end. I believe God not only closed that door for me, but slammed it shut and locked the door. It was painful, but must have been necessary. I have to be honest, I sulked for a while. I felt I lost my job, my volunteering, my friends, and my church family all in 12 hours time. But God uses all things for good and I know He has a bigger plan for me. I just wasn't right for that position anymore and it wasn't right for me, either.
We also fixed up and sold our home during this break. That was truly a blessing, because God moved mountains....and quickly! The first person to look at our house, two hours after listing it, made the offer and it was sold three weeks later. I truly did not believe we'd be able to sell our little home, and certainly not so quickly. Now we're in a holding place, living in an apartment, rebuilding our nest egg, and deciding what comes next. My heart longs for home, for a place to belong; to be welcomed somewhere, to see the farms during harvest time, to feel settled. I don't know if that will ever happen, but a girl can dream. For now we have our own little dream to think about....
Lorelei is due in 8 weeks, or so they say. This pregnancy has been a bit more difficult than with the boys. I guess that comes with age. I developed gestational diabetes this time around and fairly early. But just to add some excitement, my body does not want to respond to the medications/diet predictably. We're both healthy, we're just not where the doctors want us to be. That being said, we have far too many appointments, extra (uninsured) bills, meds in our cabinet, and hoops to jump through. That being said, the doctor did mention that we may need to induce or consider C-section if Lorelei decides to jump in growth anymore. It kind of breaks my heart, because it just feels like another area of my life that I'm failing in, but I'll take what I can get. So long as she is as healthy as possible and we have the means to support what she needs, I'll be happy.
Happy. Joyful. I'm working on that. I have to be honest; it's been difficult lately. I think we all struggle with depression here and there. Thankfully I've never had a serious case of it and have never required medication - such a blessing. But it can be a struggle for me during certain seasons. These last few months have been such a season. But I'm working on digging down and finding the joy again. God is good and He is faithful. It is I who gets so needy and whiny and self-centered. So I may also use this blog to remind myself of the good in my life, because truly my life is good! And maybe we can share this life together in the quiet moments.
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